My Rules of Engagement

MY RULES OF ENGAGEMENT:

I have been troubled for a long time with the declining lack of civility in public discourse.  This is especially true in comment sections of nearly every forum and is particularly insidious on FaceBook.  I have been a part of this, and I’m repenting of the wrong.  

Not that I will no longer comment, but I will no longer engage in the long back-and-forth’s of old.  They are not helpful - in fact, they lead to abuse of the one who might dare to stand up and disagree (regardless of what side they choose).  So, here are my new rules of engagement when it comes to controversial or charged issues.  Pray that I may faithfully adhere to them, and know that they are there because I love and respect you:

1. In the Spirit of Matthew 18:15, if I have a problem with what you write, I will not attack you in the comment section.  Rather, I will PM you and lay out my arguments as reasonably, civilly and lovingly as I am able.  I will do so with the knowledge that while we may disagree, my goal is never to humiliate or infuriate you - because I value you.  It may not even be my goal to change your mind because, let’s face it, these arguments change very few minds.  By the same token, I ask YOU to bring your arguments to me via PM, NOT in the comments.  I have no interest in being piled on by anyone - it is a form of abuse.
2. Try to hear.  In any exchange, it is important to actually and truly listen to each other.  I commit to listening to you - and not just so that I can formulate my argument but so that I can hear where you are coming from.  I ask the same of you.  
3. No Name Calling or Threats:  I don’t really expect threats from anyone I know, but I have seen them in comments before -veiled and otherwise - and they have no place in anything.  Name calling includes anything the other person might consider derogatory.  For the most part, other than my given name, there’s no need to label me as anything at all.  I commit to the same respect.
4. Please do not argue by link.  Most of the time - this I promise - I will not read it.  Don’t bother.  At most, you may think of a link as a footnote to show where you got your information.  But if you send a link and say, “Read this!” Or “This will explain why you’re wrong...” I will not read it.  If you have an argument to make, make it yourself.  Tell me what you think and why.
5. As a corollary, If you send a link from a known partisan media outlet as proof of a point, I will not read it.  Your argument would be better bolstered, by the way, if the supporting link were from an outlet you would not normally cite.  And I always respect multiple independent sources.  Try primary sources like the CBO.  Try foreign news outlets like the BBC or CBC.   There are loads of sources who don’t have a dog in the fight.  See what they say.
6. Exception: For those who know me and think I might enjoy a particular theological or scholarly article that has nothing to do with an ongoing argument, go ahead and link me.
7. Know when to let it go.  After we’ve said our peace, there is no need to carry on indefinitely.  Once I know your position, and you know mine, there is very little chance we will change each other’s minds.  Let’s not chase after each other like yapping dogs.  It will help nobody and feels a bit like stalking.  Our relationship should be more important than scoring points against each other.